Personal Musings

Is He The One?

“How did you know he was THE ONE?” – a cute question from a reader. As soon as I read the email, I immediately asked my husband the same question about how he knew I was the one for him. He said that he just knew it! He didn’t give more details. Okay, never ask your man such serious question in the middle of his favorite game! Haha!

I think we’ve all been there, or some of you are ‘there’ right now – wondering if the man you’re dating is the right one you should spend the rest of your life waking up next to. Will you just really know? Here are some important things that you should look out for. These are also the things that made me decide to settle down and build a new life with my ex-boyfriend. 🙂

1. You are truly confident being yourself around him. Try doing a simple self-exploration by asking yourself the following questions:

  • Do I often pretend to enjoy (the activities that he likes) when I really don’t?
  • Do I feel comfortable being with him without make-up on?
  • Do I feel comfortable telling him about the details of my life (childhood, family, finances, problems, dreams etc.)?
  • Do I eat well when he’s around?

Being shy is natural, and it takes a while to get to the stage where you are completely comfortable around your partner. However, if it’s already been a long time and you are still not comfortable enough to be your true self, then maybe it’s not working as well as you had hoped. When you are with the right man, there’s no need to behave differently just to please him. This means that he accepts not only the good in you, but also your weaknesses and flaws. When you can be just yourself, you will experience a sense of freedom. You will have more confidence in knowing that he accepts and loves you for who you are.divider-vine-cropped2-2

2. Your family and friends support your relationship. If the guy is “the one,” he will surely be well-loved by your family and friends not only because he treats them well but because they see how happy you are with him and how you are becoming a better person through his influence. Your loved ones care about you; and most of the time, they can see the red flags better than you do. You would also be a lot happier in your marriage when you both get along well with each other’s families and friends.

3. You don’t want any major change to happen in him. Do you love him for who he is? Do you love him despite his imperfections? If there is something big or serious that you want to change in him or his life, then he’s not the one unless he is willing to sacrifice or compromise. It goes the same for him. He can’t marry you and expect you to wake up one morning and be a totally different person. If you get married hoping for the other to change, you’ll just end up in disappointment.
4. You have a voice in your relationship. Do your emotions and opinions matter, or is it all about him? Do you make decisions together? Does he value your plans, dreams and goals in life or you have to put them on the back burner because he doesn’t see them as valuable?  You know the answer. 🙂
5. You trust and support each other. He understands that healthy couples live their own lives, have experiences when they can and share with each other when they’re together. He allows you to go out and meet other people knowing that it makes you happy and grow as a person. You encourage each other to grow personally, professionally and emotionally recognizing that change is positive and healthy.
6. You are happy to put his interests above yours. It’s when you spend the money you set aside for yourself on something nice for him instead. You do it because it makes you happy, not because you want to score points or impress him. It’s happily giving up something that you like for something that he enjoys.
7. He always respects you. No matter how terrible the situation is, and no matter how angry he is, he never loses his respect for you. He never utters insulting words to intentionally hurt you just because he’s angry. He knows how to manage an argument without hurting you.
8. He is committed to give you all kinds of security.
  • He gives you emotional security. You feel accepted, loved and truly appreciated. He makes you feel like you are the most beautiful woman in the universe even though you look like a walking potato. He never tries to control your life. He lets you be the person you are.
  • He should be financially capable, can afford to pay his own bills and possibly has his own place. Sorry for being too pragmatic but ladies, we’re talking about settling down here. What I’m trying to point out is that “the one” should be able to stand on his own feet. You are looking for husband material right? I’m sure you don’t want to be just a sugar mommy.

divider-vine-cropped2-29. You want him to be the father of your future kids. You love him so much -his character, soul and whole being. He’s the person you want your future kids to look up to. He’s the man you want your future son(s) to be.

Deciding whether or not to spend the rest of your life with a guy is a pretty weighty decision, on par with other decisions like whether you should eventually be responsible for the well-being of another person. It’s life-changing. Get to know your partner well and know what his values are. Don’t rush into getting married just because your friends have already tied the knot and you think you are left behind. Settle down when you are ready, not when you are pressured. Remember you are just like one beautiful flower -you don’t always bloom when all others do. You have your own time. he the one? It’s for you to decide. 🙂

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