Personal Musings

His Quiet Love

imagesNowadays, it seems that the concept of love and romance is not complete without filmed grand gestures or proposals engineered by friends, videos of ‘intimate moments’, or tons of couple photos on social media. On special days like birthdays or anniversaries, it seems that your love doesn’t count if you don’t express it loudly enough.

Someone asked me why I didn’t post a greeting for my husband’s birthday and our anniversary on Facebook (FB hereafter). Another person also asked me why my husband doesn’t post anything about us on his FB profile, and why I keep a ‘one-sided’ love. I was surprised to get this kind of remarks from people that I don’t even know in person. I didn’t know it was a big deal for others. I didn’t know that greeting a loved one online (even if the person is with you) is now obligatory. LOL.

Sad to say, some people judge your life based on what they see on your FB timeline. If you don’t post a lot about your life, they think your life is dull and boring. But hey, there are people who prefer to live life to the fullest without showing it on social media. And there are others who put too much effort in building an image of a ‘perfect life’ online but neglect the real one. Whether we are active online or not, I think we should make our real life richer and more meaningful than the image we project online. What we see on FB isn’t always the whole picture of someone’s life.

images-2While I am expressive of my thoughts and feelings (online and in person) my husband is the complete opposite. He is a very private individual. He has a Facebook account but he doesn’t care about it. He logs in just once in a blue moon. When he gets to read my posts about him, he reacts to me directly and never cares about posting an online response. However, his lack of online presence and eloquent pronouncements doesn’t mean a lack of love. In his own world, love is expressed not through words or romantic online posts but through genuine actions and quiet service. He doesn’t need to tell the whole world that he loves me through filmed flash mobs or other grand gestures because he knows that I appreciate the beauty of his sincere and quiet love -a love that doesn’t crave an audience.


Though my husband doesn’t express love through words that often, he screams ‘I love you’ through the things he does for me. Sometimes, I fail to recognize them because some are small and simple. But for him, they are the little sacrifices he willingly makes just because I matter to him.

  • He picks me up from work every night even when he’s tired. He can actually just go home and take a rest; but he waits for me at my workplace so I can have a safe and comfortable ride home. Sometimes, it breaks my heart to see him sleeping inside the car while waiting for me.
  • He helps out around the house especially on Korean holidays. Even though my mother-in-law doesn’t want him to do the household chores, he insists in doing so because he knows it will lessen my load as a myeoneuri. When I am too tired after work, he offers to cook and wash the dishes and lets me rest.
  • He always asks permission whenever he’s invited to a party or night out with friends. It doesn’t mean he can’t decide for himself. He just wants to show that he respects me and that I am his top priority. There were times when I felt depressed, and I asked him to stay with me. He called his friends to say he couldn’t make it. He stayed at home, hugged me and rubbed my back until I felt better. In return, I told him to invite his friends for dinner and a round of maekju. Hehe.
  • He lets me decide on many things -dating place, food to eat, color of furnitures (appliances etc.)
  • He puts his arms on my shoulder or holds my hands when we are outside or just at home. He likes to fall asleep while holding my hand at night. Holding hands is a simple gesture of genuine love, a physical touch without sexual innuendo. So when he holds my hands, I know what he’s saying.
  • He gets up in the middle of the night to rub my back and get some water for me when I cough.
  • He always accompanies me in grocery shopping because I can’t drive and I can’t carry heavy loads.
  • When I fall asleep (out of excessive tiredness) while watching TV in the living room, he carries me to our room, changes my clothes and removes my make up. Then I wake up in the morning with a power nag. He always tells me to clean my face before going to bed because make up is a poison to the skin. Haha.
  • He buys me things that I like. He buys small things to surprise me with. It’s always a cute gesture, you know.
  • He lets me take a photo of him or agrees to appear on my videos. Actually, Hubby doesn’t like taking photos or videos. He said that he had only a few photos when he was young but he got tons of photos in the first year of our married life. Haha! So every time he poses for the camera or buys me a camera, he is actually screaming that he loves me to the nth power. LOL.
  • He works hard to make it optional for me to work. I think this is true for all men. They strive hard to provide for their loved ones. That’s one way to show their great love. No wonder why a lot of men (fathers) willingly take the risk of working abroad just to support their family financially.

If I’m going to write about everything he does, it will be a very long list that will take forever to finish. What I’m trying to point out here is that some people (especially men) have their own special ways of expressing love other than posting sweet words online or saying ‘I love you’. It doesn’t really matter to me if my husband is a cold person online. I will still continue to express my feelings even though I rarely get online responses from him because in real life, he has been loving me deeply each day. Maybe his love is just too deep that he can’t find words to express it. Haha! 🙂

“Nampyeon” is the Korean term for husband.